Talking to Pre-Adult Children About Money and Wealth

A Total Family Best Practices Guide for Advisors

Advisors are often the first to hear a client express uncertainty about when—and how—to talk to their children about money. More than ever, families are looking for support in raising financially grounded kids without compromising values like responsibility, kindness, and humility.
This guide outlines practical ways you can help client families begin those conversations with intention—whether they’re navigating financial literacy with a 10-year-old or preparing a 22-year-old to launch into adulthood. Pre-adult children are staying connected longer and forming their views about wealth, success, and family identity over many years. There’s no single right moment to start. The opportunity is to help your clients stay thoughtful throughout the process.

1. Encourage early exposure to financial conversations

One of the most powerful things you can do is encourage families to bring their children into the room early—long before they’re expected to make financial decisions. This doesn’t need to involve private financial details. Even quiet observation in a meeting can be valuable.

We often use the analogy of onboarding a future team member. The first few exposures are just to get familiar with the environment. This normalizes financial discussions, reduces anxiety, and helps prepare the next generation for future roles.

You might suggest a milestone moment—for example, inviting a teen to join a meeting at age 16, followed by a debrief conversation as a family. That first experience can feel like a rite of passage, and helps ground abstract concepts in real-world dynamics.

2. Help clients find the right level of transparency

Families often struggle to find the balance between secrecy and over-disclosure. Sharing everything too early can overwhelm a child. Avoiding the topic entirely leaves room for confusion, internet-based misinformation, or entitlement to take root.

As Jay Hughes often says, most families say too little, too late. When children start asking questions, that’s often the clearest signal it’s time to begin.

Encourage clients to see curiosity not as a challenge, but as an opening. Many parents were taught not to talk about money—but when a child asks, they’re trying to make sense of their world.
One simple framework that’s resonated with many of our families is this:
• Some people don’t have enough
• Some people have enough
• Some people have more than enough

Clients might say, “We’re lucky to be in the group that has more than enough. And with that comes responsibility.” That one line often opens the door to a broader conversation about values, purpose, and intentional living.

3. Guide families to define wealth beyond money

Wealth is more than what’s in the portfolio. It’s emotional, cultural, social, and generational. Clients often don’t realize they can (and should) help shape how their family defines wealth—long before passing it on.

Inside Total Family’s FamilyOS platform, and in collaboration with advisors like you, we help families clarify their shared values and articulate their vision. These conversations don’t need to be long or overly formal. Sometimes it starts with a story, a milestone, or a question worth passing down.

One metaphor that helps: a parent’s wealth is like a fire they’ve built to keep their family warm. But when their kids go out into the world, they can’t carry the fire with them. They’ll need to build their own. The job of the parent isn’t to pass on the flame—it’s to pass on the tools.

4. Suggest starting small, based on the child’s questions

There’s no perfect age to talk to kids about money—but when a child starts asking about lifestyle, fairness, or choices, it’s a signal they’re ready for a small, age-appropriate conversation.

It doesn’t need to include dollar amounts. Even a short conversation about what the family values, how decisions are made, or what the parents hope to teach can build early awareness.
Help your clients see that starting small is often more effective than waiting for “the big talk.” These moments create space for next-gen stewardship training to unfold gradually over time.

5. Reframe concerns about strong opinions or entitlement

Some clients worry that their kids already have fixed ideas about wealth or privilege. That’s not a reason to avoid the topic—it’s a reason to lean in.

Teens and young adults are forming their views from TikTok, Reddit, friends, and the news. Their parents’ lived experiences and family history offer a more personal and balanced perspective. Encourage clients to share it.

You can gently suggest they frame the conversation not around wealth, but around purpose, responsibility, and the kind of person they hope their child becomes.

6. Support couples who aren’t aligned

Many clients face internal disagreement. One partner may want to keep financial matters private; the other may want full transparency. Often, this isn’t about the money—it’s about different hopes for their children’s future.

Encourage them to zoom out and align around shared values first. What do they want their kids to learn about responsibility? What kind of decisions do they want them prepared to make? That shared clarity makes future conversations much easier.

You can also normalize this dynamic—many high-capacity couples feel differently about how and when to engage their kids. Helping them find a common path is part of your role as a trusted advisor.

7. Offer a simple starting point

If a client doesn’t know where to begin, suggest one small step. For example, they could write a short note or legacy letter about how they first learned about money—or share a story that reflects a core family value.

These conversations don’t have to be formal or comprehensive. But the families who start early—and revisit the conversation thoughtfully—tend to raise more grounded, self-aware, and responsible children.

Encourage your clients to start with one conversation. Then build from there.