Parenting in a Season of Change
“He was always a gift, and never mine to keep.”
It turns out, my hopes for my son in college are much the same as they were on his very first day of kindergarten.
This fall, Jeffrey started his second year of college. Last year was full of newness—graduation parties, dorm shopping, the ache of imagining his empty bedroom. This year brought something different: a quiet pride. He moved into a house with friends, declared a major, and didn't need our help to make it all happen. Still, I miss the days when he was fully "mine."
And yet, when I pause to write, I notice: the parenting playbook hasn't changed all that much. What I wanted for him at age 5 is still what I want at 19.
Learn and grow.
Be kind.
Ask questions.
Trust yourself.
Find joy.
Choose good people.
Lead with your heart.
And this letter, these words don’t just matter now. They might matter long after I’m gone.
Why We’re Sharing This
At Total Family, we often hear from parents, “No one prepared me for how much parenting changes in the letting go.” But the deeper truth is this: No one tells you that you’re parenting a generation you’ll never meet.
When you write a letter to your child, you’re not just leaving a message for your college student or kindergartener today. You're creating a time capsule for their children—and theirs. Imagine your great-grandchild, generations from now, stumbling across your reflections:
“You are changing in so many ways this year…”
“Who do I want to be as a parent in this stage?”
“How do I let go while still holding on?”
These are the echoes of real life. Of parenting in a fast-changing world. Of loving someone enough to write it down, whether it’s read tomorrow or a hundred years from now.
The Long View: Vision, Culture, and Legacy
In the FamilyOS, we define legacy not just as what you leave behind, but what you pass down:
The way your family does things
The stories you tell
The questions you ask
The wisdom you offer, with no strings attached
Writing a letter like this in your Legacy Vault, whether it’s once a year or once a decade, is one of the most powerful ways to invest in cultural capital. Because your words today could anchor someone in the future who wonders:
What was it like to send your child off into the world?
They won't have to guess. They'll have your voice. They'll feel your love. And they'll know where they came from.
Reflection Prompts for the Legacy Vault
Whether you're parenting a toddler, teen, or adult child this fall, try writing to them in this season. Here are a few prompts to get you started:
“You are changing in so many ways this year...”
“Here’s who I want to be as a parent right now…”
“Letting go in this stage means...”
“What I hope you carry with you when I’m not there…”
And if you have a letter you wrote years ago? Go back and reread it. Add a new one. Time makes the old words even more sacred.
Family Isn’t Something You Manage. It’s Something You Nurture.
Whether your child is starting preschool or moving cross-country, transitions are hard and beautiful. The Legacy Vault gives you a place to honor both.
Let this fall be a season of writing down what matters most: for your child. For their future children. And for you.
