Legacy Work Starts Small: How FamilyOS Helps Advisors Build Meaningful Client Connections

This piece is inspired by a recent conversation between Ken Haman, Managing Director of the AllianceBernstein Advisor Institute, and Alex Kirby, CEO of Total Family, featured on Secrets of Successful Advisors. In their discussion, Ken and Alex explored the natural human desire to understand meaning, the evolving role of legacy work in advisory practices, and how technology like FamilyOS now makes these conversations accessible to families at every level of wealth. Their exchange highlights a shared belief: that small moments, honest reflection, and simple tools can help advisors guide clients toward deeper clarity and connection.

Small Moments, Lasting Meaning

For many people, the word legacy conjures something big — a foundation, a fortune, or a family name etched in stone. But when you strip it down, legacy begins small. It starts in quiet moments of reflection and connection, in the choices and conversations that define what really matters.

That’s the heart of a recent episode of Secrets of Successful Advisors, where Total Family CEO Alex sat down with Ken Haman of AllianceBernstein to explore how advisors can help clients bring meaning into their financial lives. What they uncovered wasn’t about complex strategies or new investment products — it was about people. About understanding that every client, regardless of wealth, wants to know their life meant something.

Ken shared a simple memory that captures this truth. As a child, his grandfather took him fishing and taught him how to tie a particular knot — the one that keeps the line secure to the rod. It wasn’t just a skill; it became a symbol of connection. Decades later, that knot still anchors his memory of his grandfather. And now, as Ken watches his daughter teach her own child, he sees how those seemingly small moments — a shared skill, a bit of patience, a story told by the water — can outlast almost anything money can buy.

That’s the essence of legacy. It’s not defined by how much you leave behind, but by how deeply you show up for others along the way. Advisors who understand this are realizing something powerful: legacy work doesn’t have to be grand or complicated to be meaningful. It just has to start.

Legacy isn’t built at the end of life — it’s shaped every day in the way we teach, connect, and care.

From Power Windows to FamilyOS

As Ken reflected in his conversation with Alex, the desire to make sense of one’s life — to understand what it all means and what will be left behind — is a deeply human instinct. At some point, everyone begins to wonder what their life has meant up to this point, how their story will continue beyond them, and how all the small moments, stories, and decisions will add up to something lasting. For decades, this kind of legacy work was reserved for the ultra-wealthy, facilitated by expert consultants who helped families articulate their values and vision across generations.

But meaning isn’t just for those with large estates or complex trusts. The questions that drive it — What do I care about? What am I proud of? What do I want my family to remember about me? — belong to everyone.

That’s where innovation changes everything. Just as technology has continually reshaped what’s possible in every other industry, it’s now transforming the way families engage with legacy. Alex compares it to the evolution of the power window — once a luxury feature found only in the most expensive cars. Today, it’s standard equipment, made affordable through scale and design.

In the same way, FamilyOS brings the tools of legacy planning downstream — making them accessible to advisors and families of every level of wealth. What once required costly retreats and consultant teams can now begin with a few thoughtful, guided reflections.

Alex shared a few of his favorite questions — prompts designed to help clients start writing what he calls a “legacy letter”:

• What failure or setback taught you a lesson you’re grateful for?
• Besides family, what do you view as your greatest accomplishment?
• What’s the best advice someone ever gave you?
• What’s the most important thing you ever learned about being a good friend?

Each question invites clients to slow down and reflect — to find meaning in experience, not accumulation. And through FamilyOS, those reflections don’t just live in a notebook; they become part of a growing, interactive framework that advisors can use to guide deeper, more personal conversations.

Legacy work has always been about meaning — technology simply makes it possible for everyone to begin.

Baby Steps That Build Meaning

Ken’s story about his grandfather teaching him to tie a fishing knot comes full circle here. That small act — a moment of shared focus, skill, and patience — became a thread that connected generations. It’s proof that legacy doesn’t depend on grand gestures or financial milestones; it lives in the accumulation of small, meaningful actions that stand the test of time.

That same principle applies to legacy work. Advisors don’t need to overhaul their client experience to begin — they only need to open the door. FamilyOS was built around this idea of “Level One” legacy work: client-led, simple to start, and deeply personal. With a few minutes of reflection, clients begin identifying their values, articulating their purpose, and seeing their life from a wider perspective.

Over time, those insights compound. Advisors who integrate that clarity into their conversations help clients make better decisions, communicate more meaningfully, and strengthen family connections that last long after portfolios are forgotten.

Like a fishing knot, the threads of legacy hold tight when tied with care. Each reflection adds strength — and over time, those small steps form a bond that endures

To learn more about how FamilyOS helps advisors bring legacy work to life, visit totalfamily.io/wealth-firms-