Helping a Client Talk to Their Children About Financial Capital
Your client looks across the table and says:
“We think it might be time to talk to the kids about money. We’re just not sure how.”
This is one of the most pivotal moments in the client relationship. And the simple fact that they’re asking you this question means you’ve already done an amazing job building trust.
Inheritance, wealth, and family roles are complex.
Most families aren’t naturally equipped with the language—or the process—to talk about them.
That’s why advisors shouldn’t shy away from these conversations. They should run toward them.
It’s an honor. It’s an opportunity. And it’s one of the fastest ways to deepen trust.
Conversations About Money Are Hard
Especially when they touch on mortality or privilege.
But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we avoid it.
Like any part of planning, we start by understanding what the client is trying to express. These conversations often surface deeper concerns:
Fear about family dynamics
Uncertainty about Values
Anxiety about the rising generation
Before offering solutions, take time to listen — and review what you already know.
Start With What You Know
Ground yourself in your client’s story. Use this quick review checklist:
Have they completed their Personal or Family Vision?
Have they raised legacy or family planning concerns before?
Do they have existing estate documents or trusts?
How old are the heirs, and what’s the family dynamic like?
What segment or tier does this client fall into inside your firm?
This helps tailor the conversation to the real issue—not just the financial one.
Prepare Thoughtfully
We recommend scheduling a dedicated meeting to focus on this topic.
Send a few reflection questions ahead of time, such as:
What do you want to achieve with this gift of inheritance?
(If they haven’t done Vision work) Would you be open to an exercise to define your Values, Purpose, and Roles?
What expectations do you believe your heirs have? How do you feel about those expectations?
Some advisors also share readings or summaries from James E. Hughes to introduce key ideas.
The most important mindset to reinforce is this:
True wealth goes beyond money.
It includes identity, well-being, and Purpose.
Redefine the Conversation
This isn’t a one-time meeting. It’s the beginning of a shared project.
Ask your client:
Are you open to treating this as a process, not a checklist?
Are you willing to devote time and energy to it?
Would it help to involve other professionals or tools?
Have your children met your advisor? Would you be open to an introduction?
The next step depends on your client’s mindset:
Are they trying to check a box, or build something lasting?
It also depends on your firm’s model.
Some teams use internal specialists. Others bring in outside support. Many use tools like our FamilyOS.
What matters most is that your client sees this as worthy of real attention.
Use FamilyOS to Make It Easier
We understand how busy advisors are. That’s why Total Family’s FamilyOS platform puts much of the work back onto the client.
Clients reflect, write, and share their thinking on their own time.
The advisor stays in the loop and sees the outputs—without having to drive every step.
You’re the guide, not the ghostwriter.
This Isn’t Therapy. It’s Trusted Advice.
Some advisors worry that legacy work feels too personal and veers into therapy. It’s not. It’s trusted advisory work.
Helping clients clarify what matters and communicate clearly with their family is core to modern advising.
Others say, “I don’t have time to add another workflow.” But this isn’t about building something new. It’s about deepening conversations you’re already having.
And legacy work like this is often what deepens the relationship, builds family continuity, and helps you connect with the rising generation.
You Don’t Have to Be an Expert
It’s normal to feel unsure about where to begin.
You don’t need to be a family systems expert to do this well.
You just need to listen.
The best advisors ask a few great questions, stay present, and let the client lead.
It gets easier over time—and your clients will remember that you stepped into the conversation with confidence.
It’s About Connection, Not Just Communication
Sometimes, the stated concern isn’t the real one.
When someone says, “I’m not sure how to talk about inheritance,”
—what they may really be saying is, “I’m not sure how to connect with my child.”
They may worry that money has become a barrier.
In Entrusted, David York uses the analogy of flint and kindling vs. fire.
As a parent, you can give your child a burning log—or teach them how to build their own.
Your job is to help them teach.
Always Close With One Small Action
Maybe your client writes a letter to their child.
Maybe they bring up the topic at dinner.
Maybe they define a set of shared Values.
What matters is that they take the next step.
Legacy work isn’t a soft skill.
It’s a core competency.
When a client asks, “How do we talk to our kids about money?” —
you have the opportunity to be a steady hand.
You can help them move from uncertainty to clarity.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Log in to our FamilyOS and visit your Advisor Resource Library for even more ideas and tools around this topic.
Let us know how we can support you as you step into this kind of work.
Suggested Reading for Advisors:
Complete Family Wealth by James E. Hughes
